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Infertility affects 1 in 8 US couples, according to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth. And the impact that infertility can have on our mental health is as intense and severe as that of any other loss. It’s a completely normal response to feel somewhat anxious about infertility, but it shouldn’t be ruling your […]
Infertility affects 1 in 8 US couples, according to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth. And the impact that infertility can have on our mental health is as intense and severe as that of any other loss. It’s a completely normal response to feel somewhat anxious about infertility, but it shouldn’t be ruling your life. So, how can you overcome infertility anxiety?
As a general rule, if anxiety treatments work on everyday anxiety, they will likely also help with infertility anxiety. This is because that anxiety stems from the same root experiences. No matter the source, anxiety responds to the tools on this list.
With the skills below, you can find some peace of mind in the midst of the often taxing journey of infertility and remain optimistic if you are still trying to conceive.
Self-care is a buzzword that gets thrown around constantly. I’m not suggesting that you get a lavender vanilla bath bomb and expect it to solve all your problems (though they ARE pretty nice!). True self-care is making sure your body and mind are in an optimal state to handle what life throws at you.
Get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, stay active, eat healthy, make sure you get time alone to process your feelings, and comfort your body, as infertility treatment can be very intense.
Infertility can feel incredibly isolating. It’s important to remember that you are not alone! If you find yourself struggling to think about anything else, schedule a lunch with your best friend, call a parent, and tell your partner.
If you aren’t getting the support you need there, your fertility clinic should be able to refer you to support groups. You’ll find that your infertility anxiety is much less daunting when you express it rather than allow it to rattle around your head indefinitely.
Going through fertility treatment is time and energy consuming. Pass off any responsibilities or obligations that you can to someone else when you need to. If you can reduce your stress at all, do so. It’ll make it easier for you to cope.
I know this point sounds a bit contradictory to the last, but stick with me. While it’s important to reduce obligations that cause stress, it’s also important to remember that you are a well-rounded person who is so much more than your ability to conceive.
Continue to pursue your hobbies or engage in activities that bring you joy. Whether it’s painting, board game nights, or playing fetch with your family dog, don’t be so caught up in your infertility that you forget all the other things and people in your life that you are grateful for.
Make an effort to avoid ruminating on the what-ifs of your infertility. Trust that you, your partner, and your medical team are doing everything in your collective power to achieve your goal. Mindfulness practices that help you stay present can help break the anxiety thought cycle.
Don’t know where to start? Check out this article I wrote on the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety. Additionally, yoga and meditation can help you focus on your breath and be present in your physical body.
If you’re overwhelmed with thoughts of worst case scenarios relating to your infertility, try not to accept them as fact. I know that is a big ask, especially when you’ve likely had some worst case scenarios come true along the way. Journaling can retrain your brain to see things more clearly.
Write down what happened, what is going through your mind, and what you’re currently feeling. Next, describe the best and worst possible outcomes. List any evidence you have to support those outcomes. What is more likely? Try to take your emotions out of this assessment. Last, write down how you can think about the situation differently.
Putting these coping skills into practice should ease the pressure of infertility anxiety. However, don’t be discouraged if you still find yourself overwhelmed and anxious at times. The path that you are on is a tough one, and it’s completely normal to struggle with it. Licensed therapists, like my team at Pittsford Therapy, can help guide you.
Infertility and anxiety can seem like unbeatable conditions, but the truth is that people overcome both obstacles every day. I have no doubt that you can too.
It’s perfectly natural to do things that you regret. It’s part of being human. But if you find yourself saying or doing things that you later feel awful about multiple times a day, you may have issues with impulsivity. If your impulsive behavior has strained your career or relationships, you may ask yourself “Why do […]
It’s perfectly natural to do things that you regret. It’s part of being human. But if you find yourself saying or doing things that you later feel awful about multiple times a day, you may have issues with impulsivity. If your impulsive behavior has strained your career or relationships, you may ask yourself “Why do I have such bad impulse control? What’s wrong with me?”
If you find your impulses hard to control, you may be facing ADHD, addiction, bipolar disorder, antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or an impulse control disorder. Genetics, childhood trauma, and brain injury can all contribute to impulsivity. (Please don’t diagnose yourself, these are just some examples of why people struggle with impulse control)
Most people occasionally act impulsively, but if your impulsiveness negatively impacts your day to day life, it may be time to address it.
Not sure if your level of impulsivity is normal or not? Below you’ll find some tools to help you analyze your behavior. Impulse control can be learned, no matter how old you are.
If you’re trying to figure out whether you have an issue with impulse control or not, here are some questions to reflect on. Sit with these questions and try to be lovingly honest with yourself.
Please remember that impulsive behavior isn’t inherently bad. The ability to go with the flow and be spontaneous can be a beautiful thing. But when your impulsivity is negatively impacting your relationships, job, or home life, it’s time to take a closer look at why.
Journaling is a tried and true method of working through emotions. Once you’ve decided that your impulse control needs work, the first step I would recommend is to keep a record of your impulsive behavior.
Start by noting recent behaviors you (or others) consider impulsive. Reflect on those behaviors and list negative consequences of them, if any. Then list positive consequences of those same behaviors, if there are any.
Once you have a decent sample of situations where you become impulsive, do you notice any patterns? For example, do you see yourself having less impulse control when you have a big project due at work?
When you recognize your triggers, you can begin to manage your behavior around them.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, yoga, journaling, and breathing exercises, can help you learn to manage impulsivity. But if you feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, reaching out to a licensed therapist is the next step.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common strategy used to work through impulsive behaviors. It challenges the way you think and can help you give meaning to your experiences. CBT aims to correct your impulsive behavior by interrupting your thought process when you experience triggers.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another frequently used approach to combat impulsivity. It centers around building four skills: staying present, getting along with others, controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you, and stress tolerance. DBT focuses on giving you what you need to manage your emotions and reactions, and make better choices from that place of stability.
Impulsiveness and spontaneity can be amazing personality traits – as long as those behaviors don’t harm those around you. No matter your age or your history, you can learn impulse control and be a better coworker, friend, or partner.
You can start that journey to healthier decision making today – and if doing it alone seems overwhelming, one of my team of therapists here at Pittsford Therapy can support you.
Grief isn’t linear, or universal – it impacts us all in unique ways. That said, it is a fairly common experience for people who are mourning to struggle the most after the sun sets. Why exactly does grief feel worse at night? What can you do to get through it? Grief tends to feel worse […]
Grief isn’t linear, or universal – it impacts us all in unique ways. That said, it is a fairly common experience for people who are mourning to struggle the most after the sun sets. Why exactly does grief feel worse at night? What can you do to get through it?
Grief tends to feel worse at night because we ruminate, or review thoughts and feelings about the day’s happenings. While sometimes it can be helpful, as it allows us to process events we couldn’t deal with at the time, the lack of distractions can make you overthink things and worry excessively.
Rumination is definitely a big part of dealing with grief at night, but there are other factors at play that can all contribute to feeling worse at night when working through a loss or tragedy. Luckily, there are several ways that you can help yourself cope.
Grief can be an incredibly emotional and physical experience. Your body may ache, you may have difficulty falling asleep, or you may wake up easily. Insomnia (not sleeping enough) or hypersomnia (sleeping too much) can be detrimental side effects of grief that make it really hard to function. If you can, try to regulate your sleep to help your grief not overwhelm you at night.
I know, I know, easier said than done.
In order to make it through the day, people who are experiencing loss often throw themselves into their work, errands, or social calendar. Planning funeral proceedings or visiting friends and family of the person you’ve lost can serve as a distraction from your own grief. But at night, all those distractions fall away and you’re left alone with your feelings.
It is helpful to stay busy, but if you’re only allowing yourself to truly feel things when the day is over, you’re not likely going to be able to process things well. Speaking with a therapist about your grief can help.
The dark on its own can make everything seem heavier. Especially in the winter months when the sun goes down early, darkness can take away motivation and lower our overall mood. On its own darkness might not be enough to trigger grief, but it definitely can be a contributing factor.
If you feel the darkness is causing your grief to be even worse, consider lighting a candle or turning on some soft warm lights – just a little bit of light can help.
When we are grieving, it takes a ton of effort to maintain our composure around others. That extra effort can take its toll, and by the time the end of the day rolls around, you may no longer have any energy left to keep your emotions at arm’s length.
It’s okay to say no – especially during times of grief. Try not to dedicate too much of your energy to others just for the sake of their feelings or needs…they will understand.
After a long day, coming home and ruminating on your loss can lead to dreams of the person you so desperately miss. Seeing them in your dreams, whether the dream itself is good or bad, can be deeply upsetting once you wake up.
While we can’t control our dreams, we can control how we respond to our feelings around them. Talking with a therapist about your dreams can help you understand how to deal with your emotions regarding them.
For most of us, the evening is when you would spend quality time with the person you have lost. Grief at night is compounded when the person you are mourning is your spouse, who you’ve shared a bed with for years. Rolling over and seeing an empty mattress on their side of the bed can be devastating.
If you’ve lost a spouse, this experience is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Speak through the loneliness with a therapist – it can really help.
To better cope with grief in the night, establish and maintain a steady evening routine. Try to fill the time you would’ve spent with the person you’ve lost with something new – maybe a weekly pottery class or board game night. Set up a self care routine before bed, including some of the other coping skills I cover here.
With all of that being said, distraction only pushes the problem further into the future. You will, at some point, need to face your grief to be able to come to peace with it.
Try not to indulge easy coping mechanisms. Drinking a lot or sleeping too much can help you avoid your grief in the short term, but those feelings will still be there, needing to be processed, when you are sober or wake up.
And if therapy isn’t an option right now, instead try journaling about your feelings, even if it’s for only 15 minutes a day. Take steps to cut out stress in the evenings, especially if you have friends or family that are offering to help cook for you or manage your household.
If you find yourself overwhelmed with grief at night, you are not alone. Rumination and all the other factors I discussed tend to create a perfect storm of loss. It’s important to give yourself grace as you work through your grief. I don’t know when, because every person is different, but you will work through it. It’s not going to be this hard forever.
And if you feel like you’d like some more help in the meantime, reach out. We’re always here for you.
It’s no secret that making a marriage last isn’t as easy as it looks on TV. It takes communication, vulnerability, and work on both sides. However, the signs of divorce aren’t always as clear as they seem to be in the movies, either. So, what are some of the signs you should consider getting a […]
It’s no secret that making a marriage last isn’t as easy as it looks on TV. It takes communication, vulnerability, and work on both sides. However, the signs of divorce aren’t always as clear as they seem to be in the movies, either. So, what are some of the signs you should consider getting a divorce?
There are numerous signs that a marriage has run its course, but these are some of the most common. Have further questions? I’ll go into more detail below.
Violence in a marriage is completely unacceptable, period. Everyone deserves a chance at safe and healthy love, and you are worthy of a partner who doesn’t physically endanger you. If you feel trapped in a dangerous relationship, consider reaching out to local resources such as Willow Domestic Violence Center. Their advocates can help you brainstorm a plan to get yourself out safely.
If even the smallest disagreement or discussion ends in a screaming match, it may be a sign that coexisting peacefully is no longer possible. One of you is clearly heightened or triggered by the other’s presence if conflict is continually present. Healing a broken marriage is a two player game, you can’t do it on your own.
Feeling like you can’t connect to your partner physically or emotionally is another big sign something is wrong with your relationship. If you aren’t attracted to them any more, or interested in connecting with them on a deeper level, your marriage will wither. This doesn’t have to mean sexual activity, but every marriage needs some sort of physical intimacy and touch to thrive.
Focusing too much on parenting or running the household can be detrimental to your marriage as well. The spousal relationship should be the foundation the family unit is built on, but if it’s been neglected to tend to other things, loneliness and resentment can seep into the cracks.
If one or both of you can’t be bothered to communicate or argue, it can mean that you’ve given up on being understood. Conflict and communication may be stressful, but it indicates that you’re both showing up for the relationship. When neither are happening, someone has stopped caring enough to want to work it out. Both parties have to be on board for a marriage to recover.
Maybe you just got a promotion, or on the other hand, you’ve been fired. When you’re filled with excitement or anxiety, who do you call/text? If it’s not your spouse, you are fundamentally disconnected from one another. Ambivalence towards sharing important moments creates loneliness, and if you don’t feel that you can rekindle that trust and relationship, it might be time to consider divorce.
If you want kids and your spouse is child-free, that’s (obviously) a huge issue. Compromise is a part of healthy relationships, but if one of you compromising means straight up doing something you don’t want to do, resentment and bitterness are on the horizon. Not to mention if there are big life decisions that will impact others (like having kids), it’s important to consider how your relationship’s stability could affect other parties.
Whether it’s due to infidelity, addiction, or poor decision-making in general, if you can’t trust or respect your spouse, your relationship is severely damaged. Sometimes, we can work through issues of trust and respect in therapy, but each couple and relationship is different. Being unable to forgive an action or let go of arguments is toxic, and can be incredibly difficult to come back from.
You may not have admitted (even to yourself) that you’re already actually thinking about divorce. Yet you find yourself looking at apartments online, thinking about what you’d like to take with you into your new life, or imagining dating again. When you get to the point that you’re planning your exit, it indicates you are mentally ready to move on – and that’s a huge change in anyone’s life.
Even if your marriage fits this list, if you both earnestly want to fix your relationship, couples counseling can help you start communicating. Pittsford Therapy works with all kinds of couples facing all kinds of issues, and we’d be honored to help you two begin to rebuild your marriage.
Conversely, if you read this list and realized that it’s time, know that we can still be here to support you. Walking away from something that is just not working is one of the most radical acts of self-love there is. You can do this – and we can help you through this transition.
If you’re dealing with anxiety, you’ve probably spent a lot of time searching online for ways to cope with your anxiety. In those late night Google searches, you may have come across the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety. But what is the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety, and does it actually work? The 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety […]
If you’re dealing with anxiety, you’ve probably spent a lot of time searching online for ways to cope with your anxiety. In those late night Google searches, you may have come across the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety. But what is the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety, and does it actually work?
The 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety is a breathing and awareness exercise that asks you to slow down your breath and focus on three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three actions that engage your sense of touch. The aim is to pull you out of your anxious thoughts and keep you in the present.
The beautiful thing about the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety, which I’ll expand further on in a moment, is that you can put it into practice anywhere at any time. This rule is a grounding technique, and I’ll explain why it works so well in the rest of this post.
It’s bedtime and when your head hits the pillow, BAM! Your negative thoughts kick into high gear and you’re overanalyzing how you ordered your coffee at the cafe that morning. Your sense of fight, flight, or freeze is activated. It becomes increasingly difficult to quiet your mind and think positively. Maybe you have a physical response as well, such as breaking into a sweat, panting, or your heart pounding.
Once the anxious brain triggers fight, flight, or freeze, our focus isn’t really on the present moment or environment. In that moment we are living in the negative thoughts that got us into this state in the first place. The 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety and how it engages your senses is your lifeline back to a centered mind.
Those of us who struggle with anxiety know that it’s not something that ever goes away. It’s something we must cope with on a daily basis. Grounding techniques like the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety are effective and positive coping skills because they encourage mindfulness and interrupt the body’s physiological process of the fight, flight, or freeze response.
Mindfulness practices mitigate the brain’s role in anxiety. Being able to acknowledge a thought, let it pass, and return to the present moment is an invaluable skill. The 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety helps strengthen your brain’s ability to let a negative thought go and redirect back to the present moment instead of getting carried away.
The physical side of the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety, the breathing and the touch step, is effective because it manages the body’s response. Slowing down our breathing automatically slows our heart rate and generates a sense of peace. Combining that with the intense focus on touch and sensation helps to interrupt the fight, flight, or freeze response triggered by the brain and returns your body back to a normal state.
This grounding technique is one of the most powerful in managing anxiety because it combines mindfulness practices to calm the brain with physical exercises to calm the body. This dual approach leaves no bases uncovered and allows you to navigate your life with relative ease. I hope that the next time you have brunch with a potential client, or anything you’re anxious about, you give this a try. If you do, get in touch with me and let me know how it worked for you!
When your emotional needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it can feel soul-sucking and isolating. Healthy relationships involve an equal give and take, where you take turns being the caretaker and the nurtured, but in a codependent relationship, you permanently take the role of the caretaker, and your mental health suffers as a result. […]
When your emotional needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it can feel soul-sucking and isolating. Healthy relationships involve an equal give and take, where you take turns being the caretaker and the nurtured, but in a codependent relationship, you permanently take the role of the caretaker, and your mental health suffers as a result. You may be asking, why do I do this to myself? What is the root cause of codependency?
Codependency is usually rooted in adverse childhood experiences. For example, children may take on inappropriate emotional/household responsibilities in order to survive a traumatic upbringing, which causes the child to neglect their needs for the sake of someone else’s (codependency).
This learned behavior helps you survive your childhood, but it sets you up for struggling to maintain healthy relationships as an adult. If you want to learn more about the root cause of codependency, overprotective and underprotective parenting, signs that you’re codependent, and, most importantly, how to break out of the codependent cycle, keep reading!
The two parenting styles that breed codependency are overprotective and underprotective. Both hinder a child’s development of a healthy sense of independence, but are very opposite in their presentation in dysfunctional households.
Overprotective parents can also be described as snowplow (or highly involved) parents, who provide too much support in their child’s development. They remove all obstacles or risks from their child’s path so that they never have to experience rejection or pain.
These parents tend to be emotionally enmeshed with their children in an inappropriate way, talking to them about relationship or money problems or putting responsibility for the parent’s emotional wellbeing on the child’s shoulders. This can lead to the child feeling intense guilt or shame around having their own desires for an independent life outside of the parent/child relationship.
On the flip side, underprotective parents don’t provide enough support in their children’s development. Whether they’re always at work, struggling with addiction or their own mental health issues, or just incredibly hands off, underprotective parents fail to allow their child to build confidence and discover a sense of independence over time.
These children often take on responsibilities that don’t fit their age, like raising their younger siblings or anything that compensates for the neglect. They are overly independent for their age, and often respond negatively to offers of support because they feel intense guilt or shame for needing it.
If the previous section resonated with you at all, you could have codependent tendencies. Other signs are as follows (these are JUST signs, please try not to diagnose yourself as some of these signs can be generalized):
That list might hit you hard, and that’s okay. Because codependency is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned! You can become a healthy partner and relate to your loved ones in a way that doesn’t hurt you.
The first step is to give yourself grace. You were a child when you developed these coping skills, and they helped you navigate through a difficult childhood. At the time, it was the best option for you! The problem is simply that your situation has changed since then, and those coping skills aren’t serving you well now.
Be honest with yourself about where these behaviors came from. In order to heal, you need to address those needs you had as a child that your caregivers failed to meet. Once you’ve learned to identify past needs, it becomes easier to identify your needs in the present.
Next, take a look at your present fears. What are you afraid of most when it comes to your partner? For example, if it’s being alone, introduce a little alone time into your schedule. Maybe a weekly class or book club that your partner isn’t a part of.
Tackling your codependent behavior is hard but rewarding work. If you find you’ve bitten off more than you can chew on your own, please don’t hesitate to reach out to one of the therapists here at Pittsford Therapy.
You already have the stability and comfort you crave within you. You just need to give yourself permission to be the source of it.
There are so many types of therapy out there – behavioral, CBT, psychodynamic, humanistic, etc. But what exactly is the difference between behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT? How do you know what type of therapy is best for you? Behavioral therapy suggests all behavior is learned from our environment and negative behaviors […]
There are so many types of therapy out there – behavioral, CBT, psychodynamic, humanistic, etc. But what exactly is the difference between behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT? How do you know what type of therapy is best for you?
Behavioral therapy suggests all behavior is learned from our environment and negative behaviors can be unlearned. Cognitive therapy suggests that how we think informs our feelings and actions. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be boiled down to the intersection between cognitive AND behavioral therapy.
Those definitions can help you decide what sort of therapy is right for you, but if you’re still wondering what you can expect from the different modes of therapy, if one approach is better suited for what you’re dealing with, or if one type of therapy is more effective than the others, read on.
Behavioral therapy is a broad term that is used to describe therapy techniques that are used to enforce ‘good’ behaviors and reduce ‘bad’ ones. Behavioral therapy is rooted in the idea that we learn from what is around us, or our environment. It’s very action based and is usually highly focused – basically, if you learned the behavior in the first place, you can unlearn it.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is a type of behavioral therapy that helps people identify and change ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ thoughts and patterns. In CBT work, your therapist will help you identify, challenge, and replace your undesirable thoughts with more objective and realistic ones.
In other words, CBT helps you identify negative thoughts, practice new skills, set realistic and achievable goals, problem solve, and monitor yourself and your progress over time.
Systematic desensitization involves exposure to a trigger in a controlled environment and being taught relaxation techniques to replace the negative responses previously experienced.
Habit reversal training focuses on fostering awareness of negative behaviors and when they are triggered, then replacing the negative behavior with a pre-discussed positive one.
Observational learning can be reduced down to simply observing positive behaviors as exhibited by a model in response to triggers, then intentionally replicating the positive behavior when the trigger takes place.
The common thread in behavioral therapy approaches is that a negative behavior or response to a trigger is identified by client and therapist, and then steps are taken to train the client to respond with a more positive behavior that both parties agree upon.
Because cognitive therapy centers on the idea that thinking is the key factor for change, it focuses on changing your thinking rather than changing your behavior.
Cognitive therapists attempt to do so by asking you to analyze how accurate your thoughts really are, gauging what you expect to happen, and noting what you consider to be the cause of events.
Once you have talked through those elements as they pertain to a trigger of yours, you and your therapist will see where your thinking goes astray, and how you can achieve more realistic thinking.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, merges the two methods. It asserts that how you think about things informs both how you feel and the behavior you exhibit.
Therefore, CBT techniques tend to focus on identifying negative or unrealistic thinking and replacing it with realistic thinking, then acting based on that new realistic thinking.
Some techniques used by CBT therapists are:
Behavioral therapy is often used to treat phobias, disorders like Tourettes or trichotillomania, obsessive compulsive disorder, or to help clients with anger and stress management issues.
Really though, it can help in any situation where there is a harmful behavior that could be replaced with a more beneficial one.
It’s important to remember that behavioral therapy can sometimes address the symptoms of a mental health problem without properly acknowledging the root of it, so it may not be enough on its own, depending on what you are facing.
Cognitive therapy is usually used to treat depression, either on its own or used with medication to regulate it. With that said, it can be beneficial to anyone struggling with overtly negative thinking or moods.
Cognitive distortions are something that any of us can be affected by, whether we suffer from depression or not. Sometimes cognitive therapy can also be found lacking, as understanding your thinking is only one facet of mental health.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can be used to treat a wide variety of mental health disorders and issues, but most commonly it is used to address anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD, PTSD, personality disorders, and addiction. It can be tailored by a practiced CBT therapist to fit your needs perfectly.
As I hinted at in the previous section, both behavioral and cognitive therapies leave a little something to be desired, depending on what you as a client are facing. This is why cognitive behavioral therapy has become a very common specialty, as it merges the two techniques in a way that eliminates most of those gaps.
CBT is more effective than focusing on cognitions or behaviors alone. CBT is one of the most evidence-based treatments, meaning that there is the most evidence supporting this type of treatment. Typically, when a doctor or primary care physician suggests therapy, they are referring to CBT.
Behavioral therapy, cognitive therapy, and their child, cognitive behavioral therapy, all have their merits. When you decide to pursue therapy and begin looking for a therapist, keep their specialization in mind.
If you have any further questions about different types of therapy, please don’t hesitate to reach out. My team and I are always here to assist!
Anxiety can run your life – if you let it. The negative thought patterns and physical responses that anxiety brings can be exhausting to battle every day. Therapy is a great tool to help you cope – if you have access to it. And if you aren’t sure therapy is in the cards for you […]
Anxiety can run your life – if you let it. The negative thought patterns and physical responses that anxiety brings can be exhausting to battle every day. Therapy is a great tool to help you cope – if you have access to it. And if you aren’t sure therapy is in the cards for you right now, you might be wondering…can you treat anxiety yourself? Does self therapy for anxiety really work?
Self therapy for anxiety is an effective mental health strategy, but it requires intense commitment. If you stick with it, you CAN learn to manage your anxiety and redirect your anxious brain on your own, though speaking to a professional can help you feel better sooner.
Great news, right? But where do you start? Self-therapy for anxiety is a process that involves psychoeducation and learning about anxiety triggers, noticing and redirecting negative thought patterns, and practicing physical relaxation techniques.
There’s one thing I’d like to clear up before we go any further – self therapy isn’t the same as therapy. When you engage in self therapy, you’re really working on coping skills and self-awareness. But self therapy is not therapy.
Therapy gives you an unbiased third party to discuss your personal and emotional issues with, and that simply isn’t possible to do on your own. That being said, you CAN improve yourself and your mental health by utilizing coping skills and other techniques, which I’ll discuss more below.
The first step is educating yourself about anxiety. The anxious brain helps humans pinpoint and react to perceived threats – it kicks off the Fight/Flight/Freeze response. The Goldilocks (just right) amount of anxiety motivates us, helps us be productive, and pushes us to create. However, when anxiety is overactive, it has the opposite effect and makes daily life infinitely harder to navigate. PS: you can listen to the Anxiety 101 episode of my podcast to learn even more after reading this article.
Once you’re confident you have a good grasp on how anxiety works, it’s time to focus that curious energy inward. What exactly are you hoping to achieve through self therapy for anxiety?
Are you suffering from frequent panic attacks and looking to learn how to physically cope with them? Do you engage in negative thought patterns that create anxiety out of even the most mundane situations? Has your anxiety affected your close personal relationships, and are you looking to break that cycle?
Be honest (and kind) with yourself about how anxiety impacts you and what you’d like to change. Journal about the last few times your anxiety inhibited you, and see if you notice any patterns about what triggers your anxiety. Have you developed any coping behaviors that aren’t ideal, or do you notice unwanted emotions around specific topics? Once you have an idea of the nuances of your anxiety, you can move on to the next step.
Anxiety has a silver tongue – if you stay inside your own head and never question it, it can seem like your thinking is completely objective. However, if you subject yourself to a few questions about your thought processes, the negative thoughts become apparent and it’s easy to dismantle them through self therapy for anxiety.
Whether your best friend cancelled on plans unexpectedly, your significant other isn’t texting you back, or your boss has called you in for an unexpected one-on-one tomorrow, write down the situation, what you’re thinking about it, and these questions:
Our anxiety feeds off of negative thinking. The way to put it to rest for a while is to pinpoint your negative thoughts and replace them with much gentler realistic thoughts. Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. The way that you think has a significant impact on the way that you feel, so to change how you feel, you must change how you think.
Anxiety isn’t just an emotional experience, it’s an incredibly physical experience. So, part of self therapy for anxiety is learning how to regulate the physical symptoms. Whether it’s sweaty palms, rapid breathing, or a racing heart, utilizing relaxation techniques and prioritizing physical wellness will help you to combat anxiety.
Being active for as little as thirty minutes a day can help regulate your nervous system and prevent your Fight/Flight/Freeze response from being set off on accident. Try yoga, walking on your lunch break, or even just dancing in your kitchen to your favorite music while your dinner cooks. Think of this as preventative maintenance- just like rotating your tires on your car.
Breathing is something you do every day, but you should still practice it. Specifically deep breathing techniques. There are a ton of breathing exercises online, and you can find a pattern that works for you (4/4/4, 5/7/5, 4/7/8, etc.). Choose one that has you inhaling, holding your breath, then exhaling. Make sure you’re inhaling deep into your belly and when you exhale be sure to fully exhale, too.
Last but not least, look into muscle relaxation techniques. Again, there are a lot of exercises to choose from, but they involve methodically tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups, all over your body, to induce a state of relaxation.
Therapy for anxiety can help you to learn more about what causes your anxiety, how to regulate your physical response to it, and turn your negative thinking into realistic thinking. Self therapy for anxiety can be just as effective short-term and long-term, if you’re committed to practicing it.
Anxiety isn’t something to be ashamed of, or hide. It’s likely your anxiety that you have to thank for you making it this far. It’s just a little overactive at times, but you can take charge and minimize that overactivity with the help of the techniques in this blog post.
If you’ve attempted self therapy for anxiety and you’re still struggling to manage it, please reach out. Just because you can do it alone doesn’t mean you have to. My team and I are always here to help you be the best you that you can be.
Parents seek therapy for their children for so many reasons – maybe your child is struggling with processing big feelings, or they’re having trouble with a big life change. You know that talking with a neutral third party like a therapist could be helpful for them, but how do you know what you’re getting your […]
Parents seek therapy for their children for so many reasons – maybe your child is struggling with processing big feelings, or they’re having trouble with a big life change. You know that talking with a neutral third party like a therapist could be helpful for them, but how do you know what you’re getting your kid into? And what are the most common child therapy techniques used today?
Therapy for children (or child therapy) involves many of the same techniques as adult therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Family Therapy, etc.) but with a heavier focus on developing healthy emotional and social skills.
But that short explanation doesn’t cover all the nuances of therapy for kids. Below, I’ll cover how to know when to seek therapy for your child, how you should discuss therapy with your kid, what questions you should ask your child’s therapist, and what common therapeutic techniques are used in child therapy.
“Whether kids have traumatic issues or are struggling with the brave and simple act of being human, qualified professionals can help kids deal with really hard subjects.” – Courtney E. Ackerman, M.A., Positive Psychology.
Is your child having trouble sleeping through the night, or having frequent nightmares? Or has their teacher expressed concerns about their performance in class? Does your child often talk about feeling worried in situations where worrying doesn’t seem appropriate?
When your kid is struggling and you don’t know how to help, it can be overwhelming. As a parent, it can be uniquely frustrating to fight something you can’t see that your child has trouble talking about. If you’re on the fence about enrolling your child in therapy, think about how severe the issue is. If it’s impacting your child’s routines and is disruptive to everyday life, it’s time to reach out for help.
If you’re asking the question, “Is it time to seek therapy for my kid?” the answer is yes. Having a therapist who is experienced in child therapy techniques there to support and nurture your child’s emotional growth does wonders for their development, whether the issues they’re facing seem large or small to you. The self-confidence and security your child will develop is worth it.
If your kid is struggling socially or emotionally, they might feel like they’re doing something wrong. Throwing them into therapy without really addressing why might exacerbate that feeling, making them feel even more alone in their issues. The way you introduce your child to the concept of therapy sets the tone for the relationship between them and their therapist.
Before you enroll them in therapy, sit down with your child and talk to them about what’s been going on. Listen actively and remain open and authentic with them. Remind your child that no matter what they feel, they are not alone.
Your child might be worried about their privacy, so let them know that confidentiality between therapist and client is key to the relationship, but that you’ll be told if there are any dangers to them that you should know about. Let your kid know that you see they’ve been hurting, that their feelings are valid, and that their therapist is there to support them, just like you are.
You probably have a thousand (or more!) questions about therapy for your child – what will it be like? What are you allowed to know? How can you tell if it’s working? Rest easy knowing that both you and your child’s therapist want the best for your child…but if you have any lingering questions or worries, you can simply ask. Some common questions we hear are:
Managing expectations and communicating clearly will make therapy much easier on your child and your family. Asking questions like these will show your child’s therapist that you are engaged in this process on your kid’s behalf, and that you are invested in their growth and development.
Popular for children and adults alike, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy focuses on your child’s thoughts and how those thoughts affect their feelings, which in turn affects their behavior. Your child’s therapist will use cognitive behavioral therapy to help them challenge negative thoughts and reframe them more positively. Over time this will build your kiddo’s resilience and give them positive coping strategies for a number of situations.
Art and music therapy allow your child to harness the healing power of creative expression. Kids who struggle with expressing their feelings can learn how to do so via creating art or playing/listening to music. As your child increases their emotional awareness and vocabulary through this mode of therapy, their confidence will likely increase and your family will have peace of mind knowing your kid can tell you what’s going on with them.
Group therapy provides a space for your child to connect with other children experiencing issues similar to their own. It can help them see that they are not alone, and it gives kids room to develop supportive relationships and practice social skills. Validating one another’s feelings and helping each other work through issues helps children build their repertoire of coping skills quickly.
Play therapists operate under the assumption that kids naturally gravitate towards growth. They work to create a safe space for children to explore, discover, and process emotions through play. This mode of therapy generally works best for younger children, and is typically led by the child, unlike the other modes on this list.
Family therapy is a scaled down version of group therapy that views your child’s struggles through the lens of the larger family unit. Mental health issues often don’t exist in a vacuum, and any family member’s behavior could unwillingly be contributing to the issues your child is facing. Family therapy intends to restore a sense of function and wholeness to a family unit which may have become dysfunctional or lacking.
Biofeedback is used for adults and children. Biofeedback is a little machine that when held in the child’s hand, can identify their pulse, heart rate, temperature, breathing, and more. There is a little machine that shows graphs of each of these things. This is a great tool to show kids what happens in their body when they’re anxious. Therapists will often challenge kids to move from the ‘red’ zone (high heart rate) to a ‘blue’ zone (lower heart rate) therefore teaching your child how to self soothe.
In therapy, your child can learn how to identify and communicate their emotions and needs – which has huge implications for their relationship with you, with their friends, your extended family, and everyone else in their lives. Through art therapy, play therapy, talk therapy, and more, your child will learn healthy ways to express themselves, cope with stress, and interact with others.
The therapy process will ensure that whatever your child is navigating, they will be well-equipped to handle it and continue their emotional development. With support from both you as a parent and your child’s therapist, they can grow into a more empowered and resilient version of themselves.
Seeking therapy for your child means that they don’t have to struggle with mental health, and you can know that they’re getting the best guidance possible. If you’re ready to help your child take that first step, my team and I are here to guide and support your family.
written by: Renee LaPoint renee@mediationctr.com If you GOOGLE how to get divorce there are many ads, options and decisions to make. Websites of all sorts pop up. Where do you start with such an overwhelming amount of information? Divorce or separation is overwhelming. It can be paralyzing. It is normal to feel flooded with emotions […]
written by: Renee LaPoint renee@mediationctr.com
If you GOOGLE how to get divorce there are many ads, options and decisions to make. Websites of all sorts pop up. Where do you start with such an overwhelming amount of information?
Divorce or separation is overwhelming. It can be paralyzing. It is normal to feel flooded with emotions of all kinds and find it difficult to get “unstuck”. Picking the right process option and the right professional to work with and guide you through all the decisions, are two of the biggest decisions you will make.
Divorce Mediation is a process for couples who are ready to separate or divorce that keeps you out of court, keeps your costs down and keeps the decision making with you and your spouse. You get to make the decisions that affect you and your kids as you redefine your family. Divorce Mediation allows the experts in your family and finances, YOU and your spouse, make the decisions that affect you most rather than handing the decisions off to attorneys or a judge.
Divorce Mediation allows you to communicate together in a safe, confidential process with a neutral third party (mediator) to create an agreement that will be sustainable and durable for your unique family. No one tells you what to do or takes sides. A mediator is a professional trained in conflict resolution to assist you and your spouse through the process. Mediators come from different backgrounds. Doing your research to find a qualified mediator that you trust and feel comfortable working with is critical to a successful process for you and your spouse.
You may be asking yourself several questions:
Do we have to make all the same decisions in a mediated divorce that you would in a court-based process including child support/spousal support? YES
Will my rights be protected and will we have a legally binding agreement? YES
Can we customize our agreement for what will work for our family? YES
Is mediation thousands of dollars less than a court-based divorce? YES
Will mediation take less time allowing us to move forward and heal? YES
If we do not agree on things, can mediation still work for us? YES
If Divorce Mediation sounds like the right option for you and your family, call The Mediation Center, Inc. at 585-269-8140 to set up an no obligation, initial consultation. We are happy to answer all of your questions. Or visit us at www.mediationctr.com for more information.